I Wish I Never Loved You

Relationships are hard. I’ll be the first to admit that. But I think more recently I’ve discovered that moving on is the hardest part.

I was with him for 4 months shy of 4 years. I was young and in love. I always wished we would move in together and get married, but I knew it wouldn’t happen. Not only was he controlling and I naive, he was also unfaithful. On multiple occasions.

As I said, I was young and in love, so I  gave him a second chance. Because people change right? Wrong.

We tried. We failed. We mutually ended the relationship.

We tried to stay friends. Which meant hooking up twice more, which also meant, me destroying myself yet again. I did some serious soul searching and decided to end our friendship in order to save myself. I met with him and told him the news, and my controlling manipulate ex boyfriend did not like it.

I was yelled at, cussed out, and called many names I had never even heard before. I didn’t realize how many disrespectful words there were in the English language.

This was a powerful experience for me and one I recommend to anyone  struggling with a similar situation.

The worst part about having been in love with someone is that they never ever leave your mind. Regardless of how long it’s been since they left your life, or how awfully mistreated you were, they pop up randomly in your mind.  Some good moments remain in your memory, and when you’re reminded of them, it make you sick to your stomach to feel happy about those good moments.

FUCK YOU FOR EVER PRETENDING TO LOVE ME. FUCK YOU FOR EVER GIVING ME FAITH IN LOVE.

Love until later,
Dani

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