Afraid to be Pretty

Ever since I can remember, I felt like the ugly step-sister. I was teased when I was younger for having acne, for being taller than all of the boys, and for my “big” nose I broke when I was younger. I didn’t get breasts until much later than my friends, and hips are still something I’m getting used to. My friends used to bring makeup to school for me and apply mascara to my eyes as I blinked in pain.

I became to love this character of mine. The girl who wasn’t really a girl. The girl who grew up closest with her father and brother rather than mother and sister. I was 14 years old and knew how to change a two prong outlet to a three-prong. I knew much more about plumbing than any 14 year old should know about and I never understood why girls would pluck hairs from their brows.

As the years hit me like a brick, I gained more insight on what the word ‘pretty’ meant to my friends growing up: it was covering up your imperfections to turn yourself into someone else so that you could have more friends and a boyfriend before anyone else.

Today, I embrace that character more than ever. I keep my face clean from makeup; I keep my imperfections known to the world. I would rather a man treat me for who I am, naturally, than to fake my beauty.

I have discovered that I find more positive people are attractive to me when I am myself, imperfections and all. The men who see me in this light, treat me with respect. And I realize that when I have powdered my face with makeup and make my lips red, I attract the people who find me ‘hot.’ These are the people that have taught me what great sex is, and what a relationship shouldn’t be.

Today, I decide to be me. Today, is when I choose to be my own definition of pretty. Today, I choose to be full of imperfections and also full of pride.

Love until later.


2 thoughts on “Afraid to be Pretty

  1. It’s amazing how much we can get done when we’re not so self conscious. I think it’s important to strike the balance between adjusting what we can adjust and accepting what we can’t.

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