This has been incredibly difficult. This horrible anxiety and depression that likes to hang its head over me like a dark fucking cloud. I have never been so dark and so deep into my own soul, pretty soon I’m going to need a candle to light my way. But then I think, do I even know the way? I’ve never walked the paths of my soul so deep into the darkness, who’s to say I even have the knowledge and the power to find the answers.
I have discovered in the past year, and more so in the past month, that life is temporary. It’s amazing to think that I, or anyone, has the power to end it in an instant. I have crossed paths with death before: my grandparents, aunts, uncles, my dad for God’s sake, my cousin by her own hand… boom. Gone.
This anxiety and depression has brought me to the wet and dirty halls of my heart. It has turned my body and mind against me, and it’s like I’ve lost control. I crave the manifestation of physical pain to match my heart, scars and all.