1:00am Panic

 

As I sit here crying, hyperventilating, I find peace in the tapping of my fingertips on these keys. The noise it makes as I am frantically spreading my words, reminds me of the sound my heart makes as it’s pounding out of my chest.

Last year.. God, or whoever the fuck makes decisions, gave me a run for my money. I fell in love, I fell out of love, I was raped, I lost my family, I lost myself. In between these moments, I fought. I made my own decisions that led to late and sleepless nights, hangovers, strangers in my bed and anxiety meds.

I feel like I am falling apart. I have fallen into a million pieces and I am constantly tripping over myself as I’m trying to get by. I can’t sleep in my own bed because I have flashbacks of him forcing himself on me, and his constant texts remind me of my pain.  If I do sleep, I wake up screaming for help. I have wonderful dreams of my sister and I reconnecting only to find out she still hates me when I wake up. Forty hours of clients sharing their painful stories only to go home and feel it all over again.

I am broken. I am beaten down. And all I want to do is run from it all.

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One thought on “1:00am Panic

  1. Stay focused on you. Life throws curve roads on this trip called life. Sometimes our vehicle breaks down. But one thing I’ve found is that you refill your tank and continue. You’ll get to a nice area and you’ll realize all the bad is in the rear view. Then take it from me….enjoy the rest of the trip.

    Ps I’ve made a million wrong turns lol. ☺

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